First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
