I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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