Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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