Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
did you just send me my own nude
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
