I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
