I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
