Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
