just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
