me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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