you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
