Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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