i just had sex bonerless
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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