"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
