I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
