I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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