So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
