i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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