i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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