Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
