So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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