went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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