I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
