You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
