i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
