you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
