today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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