i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
