i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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