It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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