Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
