I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
im holly from the hills drunk
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
