his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
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I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
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Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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