I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.