'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
