Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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