She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
