My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
