Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
