the condom got lost in my hair
he puts the penis in happiness.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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