Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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