i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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