Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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