Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
