Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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