Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
