Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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