Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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