my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
