dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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