She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
