Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
