dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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