New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
