The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
