Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
