and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
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There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
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Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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