areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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