My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
