I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
