woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Two words: blizzard sex
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
