I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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