the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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