Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
