trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
