I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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