Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Randomize
