...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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