just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
