"it" just moved
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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