He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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