Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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