Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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