is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
