thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
