how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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