I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
