Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
