Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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