Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
