Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
