So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
