my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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