I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
MIDGETS
????
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
