i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
